wow... i guess i'm kinda over it

A pregnant friend of mine was talking to me about her 33 week prenatal check-up. How her measurements were coming up slightly irregular. Her little baby-to-be was measuring at a 31 week size, when he should be measuring a bit bigger. Of course her midwife said there was nothing to worry about. But seriously, how can a mom not worry about her little baby.

I could tell my friend was a bit concerned, so I tried to reassure her. I instantly started sharing how Clove always measured small. Then the words "and she was fine" came out of my mouth. It literally took me a minute or two after saying those words until I realized that.... well.... she was not fine. She spent some time in the NICU, and she has Down syndrome.

I had this really strange realization that in my mind, right now, Clove is fine. She's downright amazing. Feeling the weight of her diagnosis, and her difficult first few months are not my world right now. And oh my god, when I realized that I said "and she was fine" --- referring to the day of her birth, knowing what she went through, what I went through, what our family went through --- when I said those words I realized, man, I'm over it. Those days are in the past, and they were dark, but I'm done with them. I'm kinda over it. hallelujah.